Drugs

Well I've been down to taking only one tranquiliser a day since about friday or so. This morning I finally caved and took a morning one as well. All I can say is that right now I defnitely feel much better than normal. The physical sensations in my head are a lot less apparently and I feel a lot more chilled. Seems like anti-anxiety medication might be the way to go after all. I'll discuss with my psychiatrist tomorrow.

I mean I have been coping before this. I've been getting much less depersonalisation if at all. The only remaining symptoms have been the anxiousness about things like sensations in my head and time going a bit (a lot?) slower than normal. But my sleeping has been fine after my nightly rivotril and stuff.

Will see what the psychiatrist says tomorrow.

Time of day

There just isn't enough time in the day. I would have liked to write more today but oh well. Most of today was pretty fine, I didnt seem to get depersonalisation, just a little depression in the evening after my meal, before bed and funny muscle spasming type feelings in my legs. Otherwise good day ;)

Ending on a good note

Well this is weird. Right now I'm getting ready for bed. I'm feeling much happier. I made 23k on piggs today which is fantastic and puts me out of that bad poker rut I was in. I measured myself on the scale again also and it said 67kg, so that discounts what I said earlier. Which is weird hey. Basically if I think I'm happy and healthy then I will be but if I think I am weak and sickly then that's what I will be as well. Because I felt really shit earlier when I saw my weight, and thought something was wrong. Now I can think again that I'm actually doing well on this diet and maybe gaining some weight as well.

I guess maybe thats how I get out of this panic disorder as well? Somehow I have to be try be positive as much as I can as often as I can. Well I survived today so far on one tranquiliser (which I just took). Let's hope I sleep well and maybe soon I'll be off them.

Well I haven't blogged for a while. It's been an interesting few days. I've been trying to wean myself off the tranquiliser medication without the best results. On Friday morning I had to phone the psychiatrist to get more medication because I probably wouldn't have been able to sleep through the weekend. It was a puclic holiday as well so I ended up waking her up so she could fax through a script. Now I'm trying to take one a day. I lasted most of Friday without taking one but couldn't fall asleep so took one then and again Saturday morning and Saturday evening to fall asleep. It's Sunday Afternoon about 4:40 now and the weather is pretty miserable and cold. I haven't had a tranquiliser today though, looks like we gonna try go for just one a day.

Today I went on a shopping spree at Cavendish. I picked up my dad and my sister first since I haven't seen them for a few days and they came along. I went with the intention of buying ingredients for a peanut chicken crock pot recipe, steak tartare and also buying a food processor and a garlic press. All my missions were successfully accomplished. I even found some glass jars while I was there so that I can make my vegetable juices in massive batches instead of having to make them 2 or 3 times a day and all the hassle that that entails.

I also bought a weighing scale so that I can check up on my weight. I got a massive fright to see that my weight is 57.6kg according to this thing. What the hell. That means I must have lost like 7 or 8kg in just a few days. How did that happen? Madness, unless of course the one scale has been incorrect all the time but I somehow doubt it. Maybe it's the masses of vegetable juice I've been drinking with minimal carbohydrates. I'm not sure if I must just give my body some time to get used to the more "high protein" diet or if I should go back to a more mediterranean diet like Mary-Ann. I thought I had been eating enough calories but maybe I was completely wrong. Or maybe my body isn't used to turning proteins into energy and calories. I am a little worried I must say.

So I just ate my first ever raw meat. I made steak tartare with free range beef from woolies. I only had a small section. Maybe like 30-40g or so. I didn't want to vomit at all or anything. It was quite nice in the end. I defnitely think I can do it again. Let's hope I don't get any parasites now or if I do that it's for my overall health. Primal diet for me or not? We shall see.

Right now though I think I'm gonna try and play some poker and then see what happens. I might make myself a high carbs dish just now to maybe slow this "detox" or maybe just cause my body is craving carbs.